Understanding Attachment
Attachment is a deep enduring emotional bond that forms between a child and their primary caregiver. Attachment bonds serve a biological function: to ensure safety and security by keeping the caregiver nearby , especially in times of distress and early attachment experiences can shape a child’s social – emotional development ,influence their sense of security and affect relationships throughout life .
4 Types of attachment styles
1. Secure Attachment :
A person with a secure attachment style has a positive view of self and others , feels comfortable with intimacy , is able to trust and depend on others , and communicates effectively .Secure attached individual seeks support when needed, balances closeness and independence , stays attuned to their partner’s needs and resolves conflicts constructively . They cope well with stress and challenges.
2. Anxious Attachment :
This Attachment style develops in response to inconsistent or unpredictable caregiving during early childhood . In this individual shows an excessive need for reassurance and approval , a preoccupation with relationships and fear of abandonment ,heightened sensitivity to others emotionally availability , clingy or demanding behaviours to get needs met and intense emotions with difficulty regulating them.
3. Avoidant Attachment :
When caregivers are emotionally unavailable ,unresponsive ,or rejecting ,children often learn to hide their needs. They grow up valuing independence and self –sufficiency ,avoiding closeness and intimacy ,and supressing their feelings .Their nervous system also adapts by reducing emotional responses , increasing heart rate during stress and releasing cortisol when they need closeness but dont receive it .
4. Disorganised Attachment :
Disorganized attachment often arises from childhood experiences of abuse, neglect ,or prolonged trauma, where primary caregivers were inconsistent , frightening or struggling with unresolved trauma or mental health issues. This leads to chronic trauma and chaotic caregiving ,resulting in conflicting behaviours such as seeking closeness and then pushing others away ,difficulty trusting and feeling safe ,poor emotional regulation with intense mood swings .
Tools to have healthy attachment :
1: Self – Reflection & Awareness :
- Examine fears of intimacy ,rejection ,or abandonment.
- Identify patterns such as shutting down ,overthinking or pushing others away.
- Recognize that thoughts and emotions are not always facts.
2: Emotional Awareness & Regulation:
- Name and acknowledge emotions without judgement .
- Practice grounding , mindfulness, meditation or calming sensory activities.
- Work on stabilizing mood and managing stress or fear.
3:Comunication Skills :
- Ask for support directly wihout fear of burdening others.
- Be transparent about boundaries .
4: Support systems :
- Seek therapy ( especially trauma –informed) when needed. Building healthy attachments is not about being “Perfect” in relationships –its about awareness, compassion ,and growth. Whether your patterns come from anxious , avoidant, disorganized or secure attachment styles remember that change is always possible. By practicing self – reflection, emotional regulation , clear communication
“If you have gone through a breakup and still find it difficult to move on ,it may be connected to your attachment style .if you recognize yourself in any of the patterns above , don’t hesitate to reach out – we are here to support you in breaking unhealthy cycles and building healthier ways of connecting”.
